In honor of NEDA week, here is something I’d love to share! If you or someone you know is battling an ED, please read and I hope my advice proves helpful.
Six years ago when I was seventeen, I developed a purging disorder. Before recently, I thought I had had bulimia but upon further research (and new scientific information that has come to light) I realized that it was not bulimia, but a purging disorder. I did not consume large amounts of food to the point that my belly felt like it was going to explode; I didn’t eat to fill an emotional void. I figured that since I forced myself to vomit, I was bulimic.
There are other posts about this that explain it further, so for now I’d like to tell you more about the recovery I’ve experienced.
For me, I have found that the only way I could fully recover is to REPEATEDLY and BOLDLY REFUSE to listen to the voice in my head telling me to do myself harm. How does one do that? Honestly, I don’t know how to explain it. You just DO. You learn how to say NO, to ignore, and ultimately DEFY your former authority. You become your own boss! It’s awesome.
When I’m at a birthday party and there’s cake and ice cream, and I honestly WANT to eat it because it tastes good and it’s a way to bond with friends, I EAT IT! When it’s Thanksgiving and I’m surrounded by loved ones and delicious comfort food, I ENJOY MYSELF. If my ED tells me “no no no, don’t do that. You’ll get fat and you will no longer be worthy and you’ll not be pretty or happy”, I reply without a word but my response is strong: I eat.
In the past I could not even fathom doing this. It took time and I couldn’t do it all at once because part of being good to yourself is not overwhelming yourself.
I believe that the only way that I can keep on this path of happiness is consistent, honest disobedience to my past dictator, my ED. It’s really hard sometimes! I want to slip back into my old ways when I feel overwhelmed. I’ve just got to hold onto these compassionate habits I’ve taken up for my body and my mind. It’s the only way! 💙
P.S. Miriam Castle inspired me to use ALL CAPS to EMPHASIZE certain words and phrases and now I read a lot of things in her voice if they’re capitalized.
elska 